When the tough cookie crumbles (or something like that)

People have described me as tough. Strong.

Perhaps I am. I do have a bit of an independent streak in me and I am pretty good at making it through trying circumstances without falling apart. I've always been this way (ask my poor gray-haired mother about that independent streak sometime) and in fact, there was a time that my parents thought I didn't know how to cry (ask my friends how much that's changed. ha).

Let me let you in on a little secret though: I'm a big weenie.

• I cry at any commercial remotely referencing the military.
• I sleep with a light on.
• I cry when other people's husband's come home.
• I've eaten 3 bags of hershey kisses in the past week (don't tell my husband...)
• I get a lump in my throat any time I drive past a sign that says "Redeployment Ceremony: this way"
• I get mopey because I have to take the trash out.
• I get frustrated because I couldn't get the carseat installed on my own.
• I watch an inordinate amount of chick flicks.
• I whine to my girlfriends
• The list goes on....

So I guess "tough" is one way of putting it. I'm just good at not letting the vulnerable side of me show until it all sort of builds up and I just lose it for no reason and start blubbering in random public places over completely piddly things (not that I've done that any time recently...coughcough).

I would submit that most military wives deal with a rather schizophrenic set of emotions: one minute we're doing great, the next minute we're down, the next minute we're ok but just sort of 'meh', then we're mad, then we're happy again, then we just want to give the finger to Iraq and the Army simultaneously...

In light of this, I've assembled a sound track to a typical day in my life. Enjoy:

1. Pier Gynt: Morning We start out sort of relaxed and happy because it's really too soon after waking up for anything to have really affected our moods one way or the other. 
2. Insert any obnoxious Nickelback song here: they're all annoying The baby starts screaming for no reason and I try to get her to either nap or stop screaming. She's gassy, teething or something. (I should note that I don't think my child's screaming has ever grated on me more than a Nickleback song, but it gets the point across)
3. Enya The baby is down for her morning nap and I get some unbelievably precious few moments of silence
4. Splish Splash Baby wakes up grinning and smiling. Yay! Happy music!
5. Ella Fitzgerald: Senitmental Mood Baby plays quietly, I work on crafts or whatnot, thoughts tend to prey on me but not to the point of getting depressed.
6. Moby: Everloving Still not depressed, but back to melancholy, especially if it happens to be a day that Jason doesn't get online until late.
7. John Coltrane: My One and Only Love  Jason gets online and we get to chat but then I have to take the baby to the doctor....cue Ozzy:
8. CRAZY TRAIN! Shots. Baby Freaks. Baby won't settle down. Mom forgets to grab tylenol from the pharmacy. Baby still screaming. Runs back in to get drugs and the pharmacy is closed. Mom starts bawling. (at this time, Moby's Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad starts playing simultaneously with Crazy Train)
9. Lonestar: I'm Already There (You didn't seriously think you'd get away with no sappy country songs did you?) Driving home sobbing, all I can think about is how badly I want my husband home.
10. Billy Joel: Lullabye  Sing the baby to sleep for the first of many times.
11. Journey: Faithfully This song started playing when I started Jason's car the other day. Journey is one of his favorite bands and whenever I miss him a ton, this one plays in my head. Finally fall asleep after tossing, turning and trying to get a tired and cranky baby back to sleep.
12. Helen Reddy: I Am Woman Amazing what a good night's sleep will do. I'm superwoman again and I even make a decent breakfast and do the dishes!
13. Bob Marley: Three Little Birds Baby is happy (!!!!), I'm happy, life feels pretty dang good today. The sun's even shining!
14. Sonicflood: I Want to Know You Meditating on God while I drive the 25 minutes into town. Realizing how much easier life becomes when I do lean on God and seek to know him more.
15. Phillips, Craig and Dean: Revelation Song Further realizing that if indeed God is Holy and Almighty (which he is), he is capable of bringing me through trials like having my husband halfway around the world.
16. The Afters: Light Up the Sky The events and chaos of the previous day finally seem a distant memory. Even at my lowest points, God will gently pick me and show me his glory and his grace and his love.

Pray for us wives as we continue on this adventure that God has placed us on. It's a series of highs and lows and though we may look like we have it together all the time, most of us don't. We put our happy strong faces on for our kids, our friends and even for ourselves but we miss our husbands dearly and we desperately need your prayers.